Guest written by our friend Mason Abbott

I love to watch trash TV. I especially loved to watch the “Hills” when it was still on. All of my friends did. I thought about how I never hear about any of the characters on television of gossip sites anymore. It was Heidi’s twenty fifth birthday the other day and I saw her for the first time in about six months on any rag site. She looked absolutely awful. She looked nothing like the cute, natural Colorado native that she was when she moved to LA seven years ago. Heidi has huge breast implants and was almost unrecognizable because of all the cosmetic surgery she had gotten on her face. I also thought about when she and Spencer got married in Mexico. The two together are a bad mix. They got crazier and crazier. The couple admitted to spending five hundred thousand dollars on crystals (quartz that they thought had special powers)! They outfitted their home with Total Alarm Systems to protect the crystals. It really is one of the strangest reality television star demises in the history of reality television.